What if we talked about cheating?

It’s a taboo subject. A subject that shocks, that disturbs, and that triggers judgments and condemnations.

I like to shake things up. To make minds uncomfortable. That’s actually my role: to push people out of their mental comfort zone, to make them look beyond what they already know. Confrontation is how we move forward.

Today, we talk more and more about subjects that used to be taboo: sexuality, divorce, the choice not to have children. These conversations help enormously. They allow people to feel validated and understood, and sometimes even to dare to become who they truly are without bending to society’s gaze.

But despite this openness, some subjects remain in the shadows: cheating, pornography, existential questioning… And I’m convinced that these are precisely the ones that could help the most people accept their contradictions and evolve.

Judgment: useful… but limited

The public tribunal has always existed, and it has a purpose. It creates a kind of framework, a moral backbone, for living together and maintaining a certain coherence in society.

But today, especially in Europe with the gradual disappearance of religion, this backbone is slowly fading away. And it creates something quite paradoxical: people are no longer really able to structure themselves alone, to build a stable inner framework, and that generates a lot of suffering.

When someone commits a fault judged unacceptable, we reject them, we put them down, we insult them. And even when they apologize, it’s never really enough. As if they had become that fault forever.

Yet in most religions, we talk about forgiveness. We talk about trying, falling, and starting again. We come to this earth to learn. So expecting humans to be perfect makes no sense.

The real problem

Having a too rigid moral framework becomes destructive. For others, but especially for oneself. Because in reality, it’s impossible to respect it perfectly. We can try to convince ourselves that we are irreproachable… But our mind knows. Our body knows. And everything we refuse to see eventually expresses itself differently: tensions, serious illnesses, deep discomfort, profound misalignment.

We have all already failed. At different levels. We have all criticized someone and then acted as if nothing happened. We have all hurt someone. Does that make us bad people? I don’t think so. Error is human. It doesn’t define our entire life.

Judgment becomes easy when you refuse to look at your own shadows. And sometimes, you condemn someone with enormous violence simply because you know you could be in their place. And that is unbearable for the ego. So you prefer to judge.

But the more violent the judgment, the more people close up. They don’t evolve. They hide. They run away. And in the end, it prevents exactly what we claim to want: change.

My mistake

I’m also going to talk to you about myself. About a fault I committed.

Understanding doesn’t excuse. But understanding allows us to do better next time.

How we end up cheating

I didn’t grow up with a very clear moral framework. There were prohibitions, especially around sexuality, but very few explanations. Very few conversations about relationships, about being in a couple, about how to be with the other. I built my vision by observing. By taking bits from here and there. Without necessarily understanding what truly made sense for me.

If someone had asked me my opinion on cheating back then, I would have answered in a rather classic way: “It’s wrong.” “It makes you a bad person.” An automatic response based on general public opinion. Without any real reflection.

The meeting with my ex-partner

In February 2023, I meet Mattéo on Tinder. At that time, I was in a very difficult period: my mother had been sick for years, my family environment was complicated, I had just lost a close friend. I was fragile. And I was looking for support.

The connection happened quickly. He was intelligent, interesting, and above all, I could be myself with him. Very quickly, we became a couple.

Feminine intuition

We often talk about feminine intuition. I’ll tell you what it means to me. We talk a lot about “red flags.” Details that sometimes seem absurd from the outside: a way of speaking, of eating, a behavior. But in reality, it’s not always irrational. During our first outings, something about him disturbed me deeply. Not in a logical way. Almost viscerally. Everything about him annoyed me. His way of moving, of speaking, even certain physical details. And I became harsh. Critical. Sometimes even hurtful. I couldn’t sleep with him; my vagina would contract and reject him deeply. With hindsight, I understand that it wasn’t him who was the problem. It was the fact that I was refusing to listen to something essential: I didn’t love him.

A misaligned relationship

On his side, he wasn’t really present either. He could be hurtful, distant, not truly involved. The reality is that we didn’t match. But despite that, I stayed. Out of fear. Out of attachment. Out of comfort. And especially because I couldn’t face the truth. I told myself stories: that I was too demanding, that I wouldn’t find better. So I stayed in something that didn’t correspond to me. And I disconnected from myself.

The double life

I decide to sign up on a dating site: UR MY TYPE. I meet Thomas. Very quickly, he comes down for the weekend to see me. We see each other several times and I end up getting into a relationship with him while still officially being in a couple with Mattéo. At that time, Thomas didn’t know I was in a couple with Mattéo. I was consciously living a double life.

The breakup and moving in with Thomas

Then, shortly after my mother’s death, I go to Germany and decide to break up with Mattéo by message. It was brutal. I did the best I could at the time, with the tools I had. That doesn’t change the fact that my choices probably hurt someone. Both things are true at the same time. And that’s what makes it human.

Then I move in with Thomas. I finally start to align with the person I really wanted to embody.

Assuming the consequences of our choices

Responsibility is essential to move forward. Because it gives you back your power.

I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time, in that moment. Even if other possibilities existed — I could have chosen the discomfort of confronting Mattéo, rather than prioritizing my own well-being. But I didn’t. And today, I accept it. I accept living with the consequences of my choice.

I send love and compassion to that version of me. To that Samantha who was doing the best she could with what she had.

But this raises a real question: Where is the limit of integrity? Is it being aligned with oneself? Or is it being loyal, even when it’s no longer aligned?

I don’t yet have an absolute answer. I have a vision. A reflection. But my single brain is not enough to reach a universal truth. And maybe that’s the most honest thing.

What I’ve understood

Listening to your feminine intuition is necessary. Even if you’re alone. Even if you’re not doing well in your life. Listen to your “red flags.” They are there to protect you.

Having a strong inner balance is vital. It’s knowing what you want. It’s making your inner balance resonate with the outside. To attract the person who truly corresponds to you.

If your inner balance is fragile, you will naturally look outside for what you don’t yet know how to give yourself. That’s exactly what I did: I was fragile, I had lost friends, my family was dysfunctional. So I looked outward… and I ended up with someone who didn’t correspond to me.

Confronting your faults, your shortcomings in a relationship, your behavior, is necessary. It’s what allows you to better understand yourself and to act better afterward.

A person who cheats or makes a mistake is not necessarily a bad person. It’s someone who is misaligned inside and deeply hurting. Someone who thinks they can feed the inside by looking outside. And very often, that goes through cheating.

In the short term, these shortcomings may seem harmless. But in the long term, avoiding confrontation with oneself destroys you. It destroys your energy, your balance, your ability to attract what truly corresponds to you.

Many people find themselves trapped in the same patterns, repeating the same mistakes without understanding why. They wonder how it’s possible to keep falling, again and again, for the same type of partner: the one they were desperately trying to escape. Because they refuse to confront themselves. And that ends up locking them into destructive cycles.

You have the right to make mistakes. You have the right to try. It’s perfectly human.

You must continue. Try. Fight. Even if you fail several times.

You should never be ashamed of simply being human.

©2026 Samantha THURN – lejourdunentp.com. This article is protected by copyright. Any reproduction, even partial, is strictly forbidden without the author’s written authorization.