.Harassment

Harassment. This form of violence, rooted in power dynamics, micro social behaviors, and intimidation, whose main purpose is to damage the physical and psychological well being of the person labeled as the “victim.”

Everyone has faced harassment at some point, directly or indirectly. And we have all, at one time or another, witnessed someone being harassed.

Harassment is often associated with the school environment. It is true that since the early 2010s, the media has taken hold of the issue following numerous suicides and testimonies. People are no longer ashamed, children are encouraged to speak up and not isolate themselves, which has helped reduce the phenomenon.

However, harassment is not limited to schools. You can be harassed at work, by your surroundings, or by an ex partner. This harassment can take a direct form (messages, calls, face to face attacks) or an indirect one (damaging your reputation, acting behind your back, going through others, harming you without direct confrontation).

Children, adults the same mechanism

When it comes to children, we can assume that, in the midst of building their identity, they deeply reject anything that does not fit their beliefs or the codes of the group they belong to.

Humans are social beings. We need a group that accepts us, protects us, and validates us.

A child, with a brain still in development, will naturally protect what they know, because it is what makes them feel safe.

Thus, a child often becomes a bully out of fear and rejection of the unknown. They reproduce defense mechanisms to protect their familiar world and their sense of security.

This behavior is even more common among children from unstable households, where emotional regulation is not taught. Without clear reference points, without emotional role models, and without a secure framework, the child does not develop the tools needed to accept difference or manage discomfort. Instead, they turn their unease into aggression or exclusion toward the one who represents the “unknown.”

This is how the vicious cycle forms early the child who is bullied today may become the bullying adult of tomorrow if their wounds are not acknowledged and healed.

But what about adults who harass

Being an adult, in theory, means having moved beyond adolescence, being able to regulate emotions, having built an identity, and gained perspective on one’s own patterns.

But that is a completely utopian view.

In reality, many adults are just children in adult bodies. They have never truly moved past their wounds. They were pushed to move forward, to work, to function but not to understand themselves.

They were not helped to heal they were taught to keep going.

The deviant behavior of an adult

An adult becomes a harasser the moment the person in front of them creates discomfort.

This discomfort can come from jealousy, envy, frustration, a sense of injustice, or low self esteem.

But above all, it comes from the fact that you represent something they cannot stand within themselves.

The mechanism is simple if you are not like me then something must be wrong. And that problem is never them. It is you.

So they have two options question you or question themselves.

And since most people deeply refuse to question themselves, they choose the easier option criticize you, belittle you, or try to eliminate you socially exclude you from the group or even from society.

They will say you are doing things wrong
That you are weird
That you are not normal

Not because it is true

But because your existence invalidates the way they function

You create dissonance in their system

And that dissonance is unbearable

Because it raises a question they do not want to face what if I am not the one who is right

Sometimes they go even further

When you try to understand why they act this way, they may try to make you look like the harasser

They will say you are the one provoking, attacking when in reality they are the ones harassing you

Some people do not just try to bring you down they try to take what you have your energy your place your way of being

As if by extinguishing you they could take your light

But that is an illusion

Because your light does not come from the outside. And what someone has not built within themselves they can never truly possess

For some it goes even further. It is no longer just rejection or misunderstanding. It becomes a form of obsession

Your very existence becomes unbearable to them. Your energy your ease your way of being everything about you presses exactly where they are fragile

And because they cannot tolerate what they feel they will try to extinguish you not just criticize you destroy you make you disappear socially tarnish you bring you down just so they no longer have to feel what you make them feel

It is not even really about you anymore. It is about what you represent. About the discomfort you carry despite yourself the one they refuse to face within themselves

And sometimes the more aligned you are the more you are yourself the more violent it becomes. Because you constantly reflect back to them what they are not or what they do not dare to be

Being an ENTP woman and being disruptive

I am an ENTP woman. We represent around 3 to 4 percent of the general population

Among women MBTI statistics tend to show around 1.8 percent to 2.4 percent depending on the source. It is indeed very rare which amplifies the feeling of otherness in many social contexts

ENTP women are often seen as too much too direct too energetic too nonconforming to implicit expectations of softness or restraint. This partly explains why rejection can be stronger than for an ENTP man with the same behaviors

Unlike many people who try to stand out I have always tried to fit in. To blend in. To stop being pointed at

But it never really worked

People say they like different people honest people people who think outside the box. They identify with atypical characters but in reality it is the opposite

Difference is unsettling. Because it forces people to question themselves. And most people do not want to do that

My experience

At university things took on another dimension

At first it was indirect criticism. I was told I talked too much asked too many questions took up too much space

Then I learned that a Snapchat group had been created about me. Boys and girls alike mocked me criticized me put me down. I even found out that some people wished I would be assaulted in the street

I did not even know these people. I had done nothing. I existed. And that was enough

My reactions

At the time I did not have a stable inner balance. I oscillated between two extremes on one side I reacted from ego by taking up even more space speaking louder asserting myself more whenever I felt rejected on the other I completely diminished myself became overly nice and let everything slide without saying anything

In both cases I was reacting and by reacting I was feeding the fire

What is really behind harassment

Looking back I see it much more clearly

These people did not hate me as an individual. They were not reacting to my concrete actions because most of the time I had done nothing to justify such hostility

No they hated what I made them feel

My energy my way of being my mere presence my way of taking up space without constantly apologizing all of this created a deep discomfort in them a dissonance they did not know how to handle

That discomfort forced them to question themselves to face parts of themselves they preferred to ignore their own limits frustrations unhealed wounds their fear of not being enough

Rather than confronting that mirror they saw in me they chose the most comfortable solution label me as the problem turn me into a scapegoat criticize me belittle me exclude me to silence that inner discomfort they could no longer bear

In reality I was just a trigger an involuntary mirror of what they refused to see in themselves

The feeling of facing a giant

In the moment it often feels like these people are huge. Like they form a massive invincible block and you are alone facing them

Even if they are twenty thirty or more you feel small isolated as if their power is immense and you have no chance

And then one day with distance or when you get out of the situation you realize the truth they are very small. Really small. Even if they are twenty it is nothing. Just fragile individuals each with their own fears wounds and inability to handle discomfort

Their collective strength is often just an illusion created by silence and fear

Once you stop giving them that power they become what they are a handful of shadows that cannot extinguish your light

The question of responsibility

This is an uncomfortable but essential topic

There is always a part of responsibility in how we react

Not in being harassed

I fed it. I responded. I entered their dynamic. I gave them importance

And the moment you enter a dynamic you give it power

But only to a certain extent

Be careful there are cases where harassment is so systematic organized and toxic workplace mobbing psychological harassment large scale cyberbullying that even the best internal response is not always enough to protect your mental health or your reputation

In those cases the primary responsibility remains with the aggressor

Yours is to protect yourself document everything set clear boundaries leave the environment file a complaint if necessary change your surroundings

Letting go is liberating but it should never become another form of self abandonment

Letting go and forgiveness

Today I forgive

Not because what they did is acceptable

But because at that moment that is all they were capable of

You cannot expect someone who is at war with themselves to behave in a healthy way

I have no energy to give to what is done against me. I put 100 percent of my energy into myself into the people who love me not into the rest

What I have learned

Harassment is often born from the discomfort you trigger

Most harassers are deeply uncomfortable with themselves. They do not know how to manage what they feel so they project it outward

They use others to avoid confronting themselves

They think the problem is you

When in reality you are just the mirror of something they refuse to see

What you the harassed person do not see

You are never alone

If you are being harassed speak about it. Whether in your professional school or personal life putting it into words gives you power and clarity

Harassers think you are alone

But look around you you have family friends people who love you

Your light belongs to you. It cannot be absorbed by darkness unless you allow it

The more you anchor yourself in your truth the more untouchable that light becomes

Never be ashamed of having wanted to be kind of having wanted to do the right thing even with malicious people

Your flame is non negotiable

©2026 Samantha THURN lejourdunentp com
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